I know... I can't believe it either (November 22, 2016)

I know... I can't believe it either (November 22, 2016)

So here we are; A Brave New Lord of the Flies World. This is a note for those who didn’t feel the need to “take our country back” on November 8th (approximately 27% of eligible voters)- it is for the other 73% of Americans who either did vote alternatively to Trump (Clinton, Stein, Johnson, or maybe Harambe), or weren’t able to vote due to restrictions put in place after many parts of the voting rights act were gutted in ‘13, or perhaps those now feeling guilty for not voting at all.

So, to those 73% (and really, maybe more if I include the number of people who voted Trump as a sort of protest vote because, “honestly dude, no way he’s gonna win okay?”) this note is for you.

This is not about finger-pointing. There aren’t enough fingers to go around really. And let’s leave that for another day. That can wait a bit. This is about what do we do right now. While we still can.

As many/most/all of you have, I too have been trying to think of something to do in the short-term, while we prepare and strategize for when we ”take our country back." And take it back we will.
Earlier this year I set out on my first stand-up tour in almost 5 years. I went all over the country. I also went to Europe and Canada where the Jews and sodomites live (very happily - with guaranteed health care and an intact social safety net). This tour was really one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life. I learned a lot. 
I tried to make people laugh, while talking about things that are pretty serious and important to me- America’s gun problem, tattoos, punching my mom, the Pope and also Donald Trump and how he represented the problem with our country's almost sociopathic lack of empathy. Some of you laughed at some of the things that I said. Some of you yelled at me (at least two people threw beer at me) and several of you walked out. I taped the Netflix special back in April when Trump was still a harmless punchline (it is painful and I cringe now seeing me cross my fingers and saying, “Trump please” when talking about who might be the Republican nominee). But then, in late July, Trump WAS the nominee (still no way he could win – right guys?)

So I made a CD of that show and put it on my website for sale. And from now through December 26th I am going to donate 100% of the sale price of either of those CDs to the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) which is a great organization that I believe is going to need our support now more than ever.

To make sure this is clear, when I say 100%, I mean the full retail price- I’m going to cover all the other costs. So if you buy a $25 or a $10 CD, I’m going to give the ACLU all $25 or $10 of that, respectively (and respectfully.) There are two versions- an autographed version for $25 and one that’s still in the plastic wrap without my greasy fingerprints all over it for $10.
And since you all know that I’m a New York Hollywood liberal atheist Jew, I am going to also match all of this myself 100%. So if we raise $5,000 on these CDs, I’m donating $5,000 more of my own money for a total of $10,000. If we raise $10,000 on the CDs, I’ll match another $10,000 for a total of $20,000. If we make $100,000 on the CDs, then I’ll ask people I know who are rich to help with that match. Maybe Scott Baio or The Nuge? 
I really believe in America and thus, believe that we can get through this. But it’s going to be a nasty next few years to say the least. And we have to look out for each other- particularly those who can’t look out for themselves or who are at the highest risk for the kinds of awfulness we’ve gotten just a small taste of so far these past couple of weeks. The ACLU is a service that is going to be needed by so many very, very soon. Muslims, the LGBT community, Hispanics, Asians, Jews, journalists, women, Sikhs, Native Americans, African Americans, the list goes on and on unfortunately. And to be sure, it’s not just the above that will be needing the ACLU’s help, it’s also anyone seen supporting these folks with love, respect, and tolerance. Because that’s what truly galls these people, (sometimes spurring them to violence). It’s that faggot, cuck, SJW, liberal, girly idea of tolerance and civility. It’s…empathy.  Empathy makes their blood boil. 
So that’s that. Please help with this. Tell people. Buy one for a friend. Or buy two for two friends. The holidays are coming up and even though there’s a war on Christmas, a combat on Ramadam, and a confrontation on Hanukah, you can still brighten someone’s day and help raise some money for the ACLU to help stand up for those who need someone to speak for them. And if any of my fellow rich, Hollywood liberal types want to join me in my matching pledge, please get in touch and I will put your name on the list. It’s a good list! Filled with good people doing the right thing. Not a Trump-getting-even-with-enemies-list-ala-Nixon-at-his-paranoid-apex-list!