An Urgent Statement from Alex Azar, Head of HHS, Regarding the Golden Ticket

by Brendan O'Malley July 09, 2018

An Urgent Statement from Alex Azar, Head of HHS, Regarding the Golden Ticket

Good people of North America - utterly confounding news! The GOLDEN TICKET for my (one would presume) upcoming shows remains unclaimed! What the devil?! We know that the hats and bundles sold out (in under 24 hours mind you) and that in one of those packages lies the Golden Ticket in all of its golden glory. What are you waiting for? What is your reason for keeping it hidden? If you are afraid of tainting it with human hands then wear gloves, don a hazmat suit, stand behind a leaden pillar and, using bubble-wrapped tongs, extract it and bring it to the show for your rewards, but please...for the love of God, let us know...before it's too late!

####

Check out David in a city near you on his OH COME ON 2018 Tour and sign up here for a chance to win two tickets to an upcoming show.